"Welcome to the Repentance Hot Line. Your call is very important to us
and is fully confidential. If calling in the Ten Days of Repentance, when G-d is
closer than ever, this is a local call, instead of the usual long distance. Press
#10 now.
"During this time, you will hear one long note, three short beeps, nine
shorter beeps, and a long note. This series will repeat several times, followed
by an extra-long final note at the end.
"Repentance calls for patience and persistence. If you do not get
through the first time, try again. If you still do not get through, try again.
At any time: Do not hang up!
"If you feel that you have reached us in error, this is the right place, for 'to
err is human, to forgive is Divine.'
"This call is being monitored audio-visually by, 'The Eye that sees, the
Ear that hears, and All your deeds are inscribed.' At any time during your call,
you may hear moving renditions of Avinu Malkenu, Kol Nidrei and
other High Holiday melodies.
"For Ashkenazic pronunciation, bevakosho (please) press A. For
Sephardic, bevakashah press S. Use any language, as long as it comes from
the heart. Lip service is unacceptable. If you are not serious, please hang up,
try pressing 'return' and call back again.
"To review your annual balance, here are some helpful numbers:
"For Mitzvot in general, press #613. For a positive commandment, press
#248. For a negative commandment, press #365. Regarding rabbinic laws use
extension 7.
"For Teshuvah, press 1, for Prayer press 2, and for Charity 3...
to remove the bad decree. You may Press 1 for Echad, M to ask for Moshiach.
Press Zero to delete your transgressions. Are you sure you want to delete your
transgressions at this time?
"If you sinned against another party, contact them first, and call back
after they forgive.
"If you sincerely regret past transgressions, but don't know where to
begin, consult the Yom Kippur prayer book's alphabetical Al Chet directory.
Use right hand to press pound at each listing. Thanks to our special Teshuvah
advantage program, all your debits have been turned into credits.
"All transfers to charity are credited to your account. Enter pledge
now. Press #18 to contribute multiples of Chai.
"May you be inscribed for a good New Year. Thank you, and please call
again."
